Just keep fighting & never give up!

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The past few days have been really hard. The same time every month just before im due my monthly’s i get really low and this week i got really low! I dont remember the last time i was that low, its been a while!
The past week i have been thinking all sorts of horrible things in my head and i got to the point that i started to believe what i thought. I thought that i was a terrible and horrible mother for shouting at the girls and because i had no patience with them and that i didnt deserve to be a mum, that i was an awful fiancΓ©e to Jamie for always being short tempered and always in a bad mood and i thought that everyone hated me and was saying awful things behind my back. I was thinking that i was disgusting and fat and that i should start starving myself again. To be honest those thoughts havent really gone away but im trying to deal with them in my own way. Depression and anxiety really is a horrible illness and its ruining lives. Ive freaked myself out this week as its gone from bad to worse.
For 3 years now ive been dealing with my demons all on my own but ive finally admitted to myself that i need the help again. ive become so short tempered & impatient. Even when i battled with the demons before ive never been like this. So to be a better mother & fiancΓ©e I’ve accepted that i need help and i’m going to ask someone for help. Everyone needs a little help now & again and im not embarassed to say that i need help… I NEED HELP!!
Ive come off facebook this week as i found myself scrolling down my news feed all day long and not playing or reading to the girls much which isnt fair on them and to be honest i dont know what i was looking at on facebook. I really dont miss it whatsoever! I found that i was jealous of everyone just because im battling with my demons and im so negative about everything at the moment and i felt as if everyone was happy but me. Ive become a jealous mess and thats the reason ive come off facebook. I feel better already after coming off it. Im actually living a bit now rather than living in social media! And dealing with this all in my head ive also got two teething toddlers who loves throwing tantrums all day long and who dont like to sleep! Im sure i got up ten times last night between the both of them. So this morning im in serious need of coffee and some matchsticks to keep my eyes open! Its going to be a long day!Bring on 5pm when Jamie comes hoem from work! Im counting down the hours until jamie is off work on thursday for five days! I get my 4th day off from the girls in 19months on sunday and i cant wait. I think its just what we all need, us and the girls!

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The girls need this at the momemt with tthe amount of times they wake up at night demanding milk. Such milk monsters. Damn you teething!
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7 thoughts on “Just keep fighting & never give up!

  1. I could’ve written this post myself at times. And I don’t think we’re alone in that. Its so hard on a bad day to still be mummy, but as long as they’re fed, watered and safe you’re still doing a great job. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do too much on a bad day, just let yourself chill when you need to. And well done for being able to recognise it and write about it, you might not think it but you’re a huge step ahead of many already by being able to do so! Ally x

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    1. Thank you Ally! I recognise the sptoms so well from years back when i suffered badly with anxiety & depression! And i really dont want to be liek i was before. I want to be a better mum for my girls! Ive been coping by myself after i got discharged 3 years ago. Ut now i need the help! Thank you for commenting. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you xx

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      1. It’s great that you’re coping by yourself but don’t feel bad if you ever need to ask for help again. And as for being a better mum; all mums wanna be a better mum, mental health or not, it’s what we all strive for. Your girls will be absolutely fine. I used to spend days on end using Cbeebies as a babysitter and feeding my boy toast coz I couldn’t find the energy to cook, its has no lasting impact at all. Just read with them when you can, if you can’t it’s fine. Keep going, you’ll get there!! X

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      2. I really really do, I’m not just saying it. I don’t think there’s a parent out there who hasn’t let the tv babysit on occasion. Use this time to chill, get a brew, have a cuddle with the girls. And if it goes through to Toy Story 2 then that’s fine, class it as a movie day! X

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